Bus Stop (183 words)
Martha stared, unblinking, unbelieving, as John stepped slowly off the bus and faced her, hands thrust into his coat pockets and feet planted firmly in the ice-cold slush at the side of the road; a Mexican standoff in an arctic wasteland. Damn this blizzard and damn the frozen starter motor that forced her to leave her car at home and trek through the snow to this particular bus stop at this particular time. John’s pig-headed immobility caused the other riders to slowly twist and snake their way around him as they exited and compelled Martha to stand face-to-face with her abusive ex-husband that much longer. It seemed to Martha that the moment would never end but, with a tremendous effort of will, she pulled her eyes away from John’s and pushed past him onto the bus. John didn’t look back as the bus lurched away from the curb and soon his shape was lost in the blowing snow, but Martha knew John wouldn’t just disappear—she’d have to move again and this time it would have to be farther than just across town.
------
Story Copyright 2006 by W. David MacKenzie
------
Story Copyright 2006 by W. David MacKenzie
posted by WDavid | 5/04/2006 05:42:00 AM
2 Comments:
Here is the result of another writing exercise from the class I'm taking. The setup is: Martha is waiting at a bus stop in a winter storm. When the bus doors open the first person off the bus is her ex-husband, John. In no more than 5 sentences tell what happens next.
Here are the comments from class members and the instructor:
WDavid writes: I forgot to mention that I was aiming at Third person limited, Past Tense, and moderate closeness. I'll read the other stories and comments now that I've finally posted my own (I hate to read other assignments before I finish my own) but doesn't the use of third person limited and past tense automatically require moderate closeness. You have to be in one person's head so you can't be distant and since you're not in first person you can't be close.
B.G. writes: I like your train of thought, similar to mine but much more sinister and descriptive.
Your Instructor--Ann writes: Thanks for your good questions and piece, WDavid. Yes, you've written your piece in the third person limited point of view as told through Martha's perceptions. The past tense works fine here, and you bring your readers in moderately close.
Here's your question: Doesn't the use of third person limited and past tense automatically require moderate closeness?
No. You can be close in third person limited. Write about Martha's sensations. Like this:
----Stinging cold. Wet snow seeping down her neck. My eyeballs could freeze, she thought. Even her arms wrapped tight around her chest couldn't keep the sharp wind out.----
Can you be distant if you're in third person limited POV? Yes. Martha can be quite distant from her own feelings and sensations. You can perceive the surroundings through her without going inside her. Like this:
----The buildings loomed overhead, cutting off the skimpy light of the dull day and making the street dark and gloomy. The traffic squished through the slushy snow. Martha stood and waited at the bus stop.----
You cannot add things that Martha can't perceive (like the fact that the snow is about to stop or there was an accident in the next street over), but you can describe the scene around her, using details that she would notice, even though you're not implying that you're in her thoughts.
I hope this helps!
Post a Comment
<< Home