Writeriffic: Lesson 2.1

Since there was no lesson 1 assignment I skipped ahead to work on lesson 2's assignment. This assignment provided us with five opening lines. We were to pick one and write a 300 word story with a twist ending. The assignment said we should limit our writing time to 5 minutes. HUH? This story took me two hours! What am I doing wrong?

My opening line was: Mary was “fed up” with Bob and...


Invention
By W. David MacKenzie
297 Words

Mary was “fed up” with Bob and his inventions. Every week it was something new and every one was a flop or an outright hazard. An electricity-saving windup carving knife replaced their plug-in model until it nearly lopped off Mary’s fingers when her bracelet jammed in the clockwork gears. A turbo-powered vacuum cleaner with a head as wide as the hallway would have shaved minutes off the time she spent on housework but sucked up and shredded a beautiful oriental rug instead. Motion-sensing motors were supposed to open the window shades, automatically brightening the living room whenever Mary entered, but when she raced from the shower to catch the ringing phone this morning she gave the paperboy an early education in human anatomy. That had been the last straw. That was when she had called the divorce lawyer.

Now, back from her initial consultation, Mary dreaded opening the front door, feared the piles of well intentioned but hopelessly flawed gadgets and doodads that littered the house like the mechanical droppings of a robotic elephant. Steeling herself against the chaos within, Mary plodded into the house, paused a moment in the foyer, then stepped outside again to double check the house numbers nailed to the doorjamb. Mystified, Mary crossed the threshold again and looked around in wonder. The obstacle course that had been their living room was once again a comfortably furnished parlor. Every busted widget and pointless gizmo had vanished.

“Bob?”

The kitchen door swung open and her husband hurried to her side. He pecked a kiss onto Mary’s cheek. The savory aroma of grilling steaks surrounded him and made Mary’s stomach growl in anticipation.

“What happened?” Mary asked, waving her hands around the spotless house.

Bob smiled. “I decided to invent a better me.”

A New Ed2Go Class Begins...The BNU Class Disappoints

Today is the first day of the new Ed2Go class -- Writeriffic. The first lesson was kind of a "what to expect" and "how to work" lecture and there was no specific writing assignment other than to introduce yourself and let everyone know what you expect to get out of the class. I'm looking forward to the class and seeing what I'm able to learn from it.

The Barnes & Nobel class has become something of a let down. Because there are so many people in the class, the instructor has a policy of not offering individualized comments on our stories and writing assignments. For me, this really makes the class a waste of time. How can I improve if the instructor is not going to tell me, personally, what I am doing right or wrong? I don’t have much interest in that class any more even though I think it helped me get two sections of a good story down on paper. Perhaps the new Ed2Go class will help me develop that story more.

BNU: Developing Extrapolations

Here's another mini-chapter for my Sharp Minds story. The assignment was to pick one of the extrapolations of our S.F. idea and write a passage that dealt with it but did not mention it outright. One of my extrapolations was that doctors and nurses would benefit from Modafimax because they traditionally work LONG shifts and suffered from fatigue which sometimes led to bad medical decisions. Now that Modafimax has been banned by the FDA the doctors and nurses on the front line are among the first to feel the hit.

This Chapter: 992 Words

Sharp Minds
by W. David MacKenzie

I flinched as the green-smocked emergency room nurse eased the bloody bandage off my nose. “I was just trying to get into the drug store to see my pharmacist,” I said. The deviated septum impaired my breathing and made me sound like a lisping Mafia Don. A trickle of wetness oozed over my upper lip and I tasted the metallic bite of my own blood as it seeped into my mouth. “I walked right into a full-scale riot.”

“Uh huh.” said the nurse absentmindedly as she blotted my nosebleed with a gauss pad. She retrieved a tele-probe from the cabinet and used one hand to tilt my head back while she guided the flexible probe painfully into my nasal passage. A holographic monitor built into the exam bed revealed the lurid mess on the inside of my broken nose.

“We're hearing about a lot of pharmacy riots, Mr. Preston,” she said, prodding deeper and twisting the probe to get a better view. I winced again and she eased off a little. Her eyes were fixed on the display but I could read the fatigue on her face. She was tired like she'd never been before. I looked around the large ER at the other nurses and doctors and saw the same weary gaze. Every one of them showed signs of a disease that had been all but abolished until yesterday—exhaustion.

A sudden crash off to the left caused the nurse to jerk the probe out of my nose and I cried out in surprise and pain. “We've got one! We've got one!” someone yelled and my nurse rushed off, leaving me to grope around for my old bandage. I found it and held it to my throbbing nose then looked in the direction of the noise.

A couple of paramedics had slammed their way through the ER doors pushing a gurney laden with tool boxes and beeping instruments. In the center of the cluttered bed lay a middle aged woman, her expensive business suit shredded to make way for the rescue team's probes and monitor leads. Like locust to wheat, every doctor and nurse swarmed to the gurney as it trundled through the ER.

“Are you sure she's...”

“She has all the early signs...”

“Has she started to...”

“Not fully, but I saw...”

“Get her into trauma two...”

“Someone call the CDC and...”

The gurney and the crowd of doctors and nurses and paramedics moved amoeba-like across the ER and into a large alcove filled with medical equipment. An nurse pulled a privacy curtain across the alcove and the main ER was suddenly empty and quiet except for myself and half-a-dozen other slack-jawed patients.

We've got one? Got one what? Got.... Oh my God. The news report said that fifty-nine people had died horribly. Could this be the sixtieth? I got off the exam bed and, still holding the bandage to my face, walked slowly toward the curtained trauma area. If I was going to die I wanted to know what to expect. The other patients in the ER watched me but no one moved.

As I neared the curtain I saw shadows move across its translucent surface but all I heard was a low murmur. The curtain's noise cancellation was working hard to send out the anti-noise necessary to mute all of the voices and shouted instructions as nurses and doctors worked to...what? Save her life? Ease her pain? Vivisect her in search of clues? Beeping monitors and the clang of metal, always difficult waveforms to cancel, punctuated the dull roar.

The shadows on the curtain sharpened slightly and everyone started moving faster. The murmur rose in pitch and volume and distinct words escaped the overloaded noise cancellation.

“Final stage...”

“Fever spiking...”

“Neural collapse...”

“V-tach...”

“Defibrillator...”

The lights in the trauma area surged, throwing stark silhouettes on the curtain as the beeping monitors sounded an unblockable orchestra of alarm.

“My God, shes...”

“I'm not touching her!”

“I can't believe...”

The murmur died away and the silhouettes were motionless. The monitors stopped beeping and squawked shrill continuous tones instead. The bright lights flicked off and one of the paramedics fell backward through the curtain, picked himself up, and ran from the ER; his hand covered his mouth to hold back the obvious nausea.

The curtain was separated a few inches thanks to the paramedics hasty departure and I could see a sliver of the tableau beyond. Doctors and nurses stood scattered around the room. Some faced away from the patient. Some held their hands to their faces and wept unseeing. But most looked, wide-eyed, toward the woman on the gurney and the tangle of wires and tubes and devices surrounding her. Something unexpected had happened and each person was trying to cope with it as best they could.

I edged closer to the open curtain, trying to get a better view of the woman herself. She lay naked on the gurney, her body pierced by sensor wires and IV tubes. She wasn't breathing. I'd never seen death before but it was unmistakable. The news feed said they had all died painful deaths, but the woman's face was a relaxed and resplendent mask. She was at peace and she smiled.

The wall phone in the trauma room beeped...beeped again...and again. A nurse wiped away his tears and answered the insistent device. He listened then held the phone out to an elderly doctor in a blue lab coat. “It's the CDC.” He took the phone mechanically.

The nurse, still the only one moving about in the trauma room, noticed my face in the parted curtain and I took a step backward. He grasped the curtain and I looked into his still watery eyes. His wasn't the empty tired gazed I'd seen in my nurse earlier, but something deeper, something... resolute. I wanted to find out what he'd seen, but he pulled the curtain closed and disappeared behind wall of cloth and electronic silencers.

BNU: Idea In Use

Here are the instructions for lesson two part two...

Ideas can come fast and thick, but an idea alone does not create a science fiction story.
1. Return to the story idea you worked with in Lesson 1.
2. Write a one page passage from your story that embodies the science fiction idea on which your story is based.

Ok, here's a one page (well if you print it in small type it's one page) passage from the story evolving out of my "smart drug" idea. Let me know what you think...

This Chapter: 605 Words

Sharp Minds
By W. David MacKenzie

Even after nearly thrity-five hours at my workstation, words still flowed from my fingertips like fine brandy as I crafted the merger proposal between my client, IndusGlobal, and Petrolox, Asia’s third largest petroleum cartel. A corner of my mind stood aloof from the creative processes melding words and diagrams on the holographic display. It analyzed the proposal for financial impact, cultural sensitivity, and likely reception based on the psych profiles of Petrolox’s Board of Directors. The result? A win-win scenario that would create a world energy leader and net me a tidy four million in commissions.

The rosy sunset had deepened to velvet purple behind Mauna Loa when my comstar vibrated and a soft simulated voice sounded in my head. “Excuse me, Mr. Preston. You have a call from Mr. Wu.”

I touched the small bump behind my right ear to take the call. “Bryan, what’s up?” I said. Bone conductivity carried my words to the comstar implant and the nerve-link fed my partner’s frantic voice from the tiny satellite phone directly into my inner ear.

“Jimmy, have you seen the feed?”

“No, my agent’s on mute while I wrap up the IndusGlobal documents.” I looked into the computer display and sure enough, my personal agent icon was bouncing up and down, trying to get my attention.

“For God’s sake, Jimmy, turn it on! We’re ruined!” Bryan’s voice trailed off and I reached into the holographic image to tap the frenetic agent icon. The icon swelled into the handsome male face of my personal digital agent and moved to the front of the display.

“Good evening, Mr. Preston.”

“Good evening, Gerrard.” I said to the face. In my head Bryan let out an exasperated sigh. He never understood why I was polite to a computer program. “Do you have anything for me, Gerrard?”

“Yes, sir. If you have not already taken your evening dose of Modafimax then please do.”

“Ah, thanks, Gerrard.” I pulled the pillbox from my shirt pocket and took out one of the four magenta pills. I mused over the brightly colored tablet. Such a wonderful little miracle. One pill a day focused my mind, sharpened my intellect, and removed any need for sleep. This little pill was the boon of the business world. There was no limit to what one could achieve with twenty-four fully productive hours in every day. I smiled at the proposal that floated just behind Gerrard’s head. When this deal was delivered to IndusGlobal, I would be one very wealthy man and I owed it all to the little magenta pill between my fingers.

“Anything else, Gerrard?”

“Yes sir. There is a breaking news bulletin flagged urgent by the feed service”

“Show it to me, please.”

“Finally,” said Bryan’s voice in my head.

A full width vid window opened in the holographic display and a stern faced newswoman began speaking. “The Food and Drug Administration announced just moments ago that it was issuing a world-wide recall and ban on the performance-enhancing drug, Modafimax, due to a series of previously unknown side effects of long term usage. Fifty-nine deaths have been linked to the drug in the last two hours and sources close to the FDA director say those deaths were agonizing and violent. Modafimax manufacturer, Pharmastat, could not be reached for comment but the New York Stock Exchange has delisted the company and stopped all trading in the company’s shares to avoid panic selling….”

The reporter’s voice faded away as I contemplated the last few pills in my possession. My Modafimax-enhanced mind raced through the probabilities, considered the options, and reached the inevitable conclusion. “Bryan, we’re screwed.”

BNU: Research

Here are the instructions for lesson two part one...

In Lesson 2 we learned that ideas for science fiction stories can be found just about anywhere: in today’s news, in old magazines, online, or in the incidents in your own life.
1. Review a current newspaper, magazine or website for a data bit that has science fiction potential.
2. Describe the data bit, in a sentence or two, and the source.
3. In one or two paragraphs, describe the science fiction potential you see in this idea.

The Modafinil idea was inspired by a piece I'd heard on NPR a couple of days before so I'd unwittingly already DONE this assignment. Doh! So, just so I didn't rehash the same thing over again, I came up with another research idea. I call it "The Supernova Next Door".

Source 1: Space.com through CNN.com, “Ancient Rock Art May Depict Exploding Star”, June 6, 2006
http://www.cnn.com/2006/TECH/space/06/05/rock.art/index.html

Source 2: National Optical Astronomy Observatory News, Press Release March 5, 2003
http://www.noao.edu/outreach/press/pr03/pr0304.html

Space.com reported that thousand-year-old rock carvings in Arizona may represent the supernova of 1006 AD. This supernova, thought to be the brightest such event ever seen by humans, was well documented by Asian, Middle Eastern, and European observers of the time.

Further research turned up a fact-filled 2003 press release from NOAO News stating that astronomers had calculated the 1006 AD supernova originated 7,100 light years from Earth and appeared to observers on Earth as about one-quarter the brightness of a full moon. Interestingly, all class Ia supernovas like the one in 1006 AD have the same luminosity characteristics and if seen up close at the time of explosion it would have been as bright as five billion suns for a few weeks and then fade over several months. The shock wave of the explosion sent stellar matter spreading out from the supernova at a speed of 6 million miles per hour or 1 percent of the speed of light.

My Science Fiction Premise: What if our closest neighbor star, Alpha Centauri, went supernova in a similar fashion? What would happen to humanity, Earth, and our solar system? Since AC is about four light years from Earth it would take that long for us to “see” the explosion. What would five billion sun look like from only four light years away? Would the light alone devastate our planet…our solar system? Would there be heat as well as light? Would all of the planets in our solar system be crisped before we could say “Robinson Crusoe on Mars”? Assuming we survived the initial light show, what about that shock wave of stellar matter? Traveling at 1% of the speed of light, it would take about 400 years for the cosmic tsunami to hit our solar system. What physical force would be associated with such a shock wave? Would mankind try to dig in and ride it out or leave Earth in search of greener pastures? Would we have the foresight to act immediately or leave it for our great great great great great grandkids to worry about?

Another question…did the AC supernova in my premise happen without advance stellar warning? Ailing stars usually let their intentions to explode be known well ahead of time, but maybe this one didn’t. What, or who, caused the supernova…and why?

BNU: Developing Story Ideas

This was the assignment...

As we have seen, there are a number of ways in which science fiction differs from "mainstream" fiction. Most significantly, a science fiction story depends on its science content, an idea without which the story doesn’t work. In completing this exercise, you’ll take your first step toward writing your own science fiction story.

1. Make a list of all the ideas you have for your own science fiction story.
2. Review each idea for science content.
3. Select one of these ideas, and explain it in a paragraph or less.

=======

This what I came up with but upon further reflection I wonder if my "science content" is eaily replaceable. Much like Star Wars is just a wester or soap opera in space, I wonder if this isn't just some noir movie with extra arms and cat-like vision. Anyway, here it is...

Point #1...The World: A future earth where advanced genetic engineering can add dramatic custom augmentation to the human body...multiple limbs, heightened senses, animal attributes, etc.... Science Content: Soft science only in the beginning. We see the world as it is with augmented humans in every walk of life. Not omnipresent, but not rare either. They're gawked at or jeered by some and accepted by others, but most people feel at least a little uncomfortable around them.

Point #2...The Protagonist: A down-on-his-luck gambler trying to make one big score to set his life back on track. He's just an average Joe and what is colloquially known as a Virgin, i.e. he's never had an augment and is not likely to ever have one because he doesn't have the status to be given one, the money to buy one, or the guts to risk finding one on the black market. Science Content: None really.

Point #3...The Setup: The gambler loses big and can't cover his losses. The casino boss decides to make him an offer—take a mod, do a special job for the boss, then get restored to normal or play the punching bag for the boss's multi-armed body guards. He takes the mod. Science Content: Here's where we see the augment process and watch it happen instead of being told about it in tiresome exposition. How did the process evolve? How does it work? How can it go wrong? How can it be fixed?

Point #4...The Job: The gambler uses his new augments (ya, the boss did a double or triple mod on the gambler...very risky and very painful, but the boss is calling the shots) to break into a competitor's casino and steal some incriminating documents. Science Content: We see the augments in action, see how they help or hinder him as he adapts or fails to adapt to his new body.

Point #5...The Double Cross: The gambler finishes the job, gets the papers, escapes under impossible odds, and returns to the boss. The gambler overhears a flunky tell the doctor to make sure the mod reversal is bungled to kill the gambler. In self preservation mode and with his confidence buoyed by his experiences in the other casino, the gambler battles his way through the doctor and the flunky and escapes into the night to make the best of his life with his new mods. Science Content: We'd learn something of the gene-wash process but it's more of an action escape sequence and his reflection on the gambler's future options.

Barnes & Noble University

As the Ed2Go.com writing class ended one of the students posted about a FREE series of writing classes at Barnes & Noble University. I zipped right over there and found out they had quite a selection of classes. I signed up for "Writing Science Fiction with Gotham Writer's Workshop" and the class started this past Monday.

They also offer "Writing Poetry with Writer's Digest Books" and "Writing Fiction with Gotham Writer's Workshop". The course list I looked at a week ago also offered a Mystery Writing Class but I don;t see that on the list now so I'm not sure what happened to it...it's a mystery. :-) All the classes are FREE but you do need to buy a couple of course books.

The course is four weeks long, has eight lessons, and is self directed so you can work on any of the eight lessons at any time during the class. There probably a hundred people in the class judging from the "Introductions" section and even though I posted two writing asignments already, I have yet to get any feedback from the class or from the instructor. I guess it's still early in the course so we'll see if that improves. Reading the message boards in class, however, is very informative and the lessons and reading assignments are instructive as well. I'll post my assignment here as before.

One thing I noticed from reading the message boards in class is that many people seem to be taking the class for the second, third, or even fourth time. Hey, since the only cost is the two course books, why not take the free class over and over again if ithelps refine your writing?

I'm taking another creative writing class at Ed2Go starting on June 21st so I'll have a week of overlap in the classes...that ought to keep me busy, huh? :-)