Candle (142 words)
The harsh white glare of lightning and a cannonade of thunder pierced my senses simultaneously then, a heartbeat later, darkness and utter silence swallowed my home. This actually happened with some regularity in my neighborhood so, after the initial Oh-My-God moment, my hands deftly sought out the lighter and small jar candle on my desk. A click, a flash, a brief pause as the butane-fed flame kissed the candle’s wick, then near darkness again. The newborn fire struggled, surged, receded, then confidently enveloped the blackened stub of string and grew to a tall flickering tongue of flame that pushed back the invading darkness and restored rudimentary caveman technology to my writing desk. The gentle summertime aroma of lavenders flowed from the candle’s illumination but did nothing to muffle the oppressive silence that filled the house. Now, where did I put that iPod?
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Story Copyright 2006 by W. David MacKenzie
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Story Copyright 2006 by W. David MacKenzie
posted by WDavid | 5/04/2006 05:48:00 AM
5 Comments:
Here's another exercise from the writing class I'm taking. The setup was: Light a candle and describe it to the class.
As you saw, I did describe it, but my inner novelist took over and I had to build a story around the candle.
Here are the group and instructor comments on my Candle exercise...
Amanda writes: you conveyed a scary scenario with humor and descriptiveness. the only word I'd get rid of is "actually". otherwise great job.
Priscilla writes: I enjoyed reading this, good job!
Tamimae writes: I loved it... I loved how you put some suspince into your peice very diffrent the the others. I loved the end, cave man meets modern tech. GREAT JOB - Loved it - SMILES:)
janice writes: Great imagery and mood. I liked the humor at the end but it was an abrupt shift to the feel of the piece - but it could be part of something bigger if you were looking for a shift like that. I like your writing style and I really wanted to keep reading as if it were a book. Thanks for the good read.
Your Instructor--Ann writes: I found this a study in contrasts. You begin in language that sounds like judgment day then switch to an everyday tone to the candle lighting. You go on describe the event with strong verbs and nouns that give us food for thought, but end on a funny note. I'm a fan of oxymorons so "caveman technology" worked for me. All in all, your description was entertaining, immediate, and original. Well done.
Bill writes: In the tradition of “it was a dark and stormy night” you grabbed my attention wondering where the heck this was leading to. Then it seemed clear you just might be somewhat annoyed at the regularity of your predicament. Nice transition focusing on igniting your candle and then later making light of the situation with the inclusion of the ever important 21st century gadgetry we so depend on.
Mame writes: Being a resident of South Florida and veteran of 4 hurricanes your description took me back to nights of storms with flashlight by my side waiting for the inevitable power failure. It always felt sudden and followed a battering of wind and rain. Great description and it was cool how in a couple of sentences I was feeling tense and concern for you in the situation. I love writers that can grab my attetnion like that! BTW, hurricane season starts in 32 days.
I enjoyed this one alot. Not only the caveman technology but the desire to muffle silence. Neat stuff.
I'm glad you are getting good and sometimes constructive critiques from people other than family. We love your work, but it always makes you feel better when someone outside your circle of friends and family gives your work a thumbs up!
Ya, I'm a pig for praise...give me all you can from as many sources as possible...if it's legit. First and foremost, I want to know what people REALLY think.
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